vb state of mind

7 lbs. gained, work ethic diminished, and renewed enthusiasm for college life all from one week at home for thanksgiving break.

The break started off slow until some old friends came back to the oceanfront. I got to hang out with two of my best friends, both in very different parts of their lives' paths. one of which just graduated college and is living at home working as a salesperson at a new store in Virginia Beach. I love hanging out with him but he definitely helps me appreciate the lack of responsibility I have while being a full-time student.

The other is a third year college student, like myself, and she helps me appreciate what we have at home, the beach, friends, family, a life.

The week break was overall pleasant but only rendered me with a couple memorable times.

One evening I decided to break away from my 17th spider solitaire game and take some time in silence to think in one of my most sacred places. I walked out to our gazebo on a rare, extremely warm evening, the sun barely set, and accompanied by only the wind and our two dogs. The summer-like November night helped me feel God's presence, it helped my mood and hopes for the future. An ambiance of dangling christmas lights, trees rustling from soft breezes, surfboards lying on wood panels, crickets and the occasional wind chime bellowing, I can't describe perfectly the setting. The warm air's anticipations for a summer evening combined with the fall's eagerness for the holiday season. Just a couple nights before the seats were filled with friends reuniting and drinking beer while enjoying laughs and good music. Now delicious silence replaced the story-telling young adults. The picture quality isn't stellar on this website but here's a glimpse..

and my company for the evening..

The other more memorable night led me into a dream. I walked through a door into laser and disco lights and smoke from a fog machine that lingered with the taste of cheap beer and the aroma of stale cigarettes, then sat on a worn, stained couch cluttered with jackets and dog hair and finally indulged in the sweet sounds of the combination of three 20-somethings' jam bands. four microphones, three guitars (one a bass), two sets of drums, and one freeing feeling and encouraging vibe that seduced me to just let go. I swam in the music and couldn't think or worry about a single thing other than how bad i wish i had my camera but all the while knowing it could not possibly do the scene justice. Corona and Heineken bottles scattered across the room, mostly empty, on top of amps, next to headphones, and in callused hands under nodding heads.

The next morning, 4 of us went to the greatest place in Virginia Beach. The Belvedere. The outside is completely unassuming, but inside reveals a small bar, 5 or 6 booths, divine breakfast decadence, and familiar faces to pour your coffee and tell you to seat yourself behind the "Please Wait To Be Seated" sign.

My brother and his girlfriend..

The view (behind the festive windowsill pumpkin)

Best cup of coffee in the 757

My breakfast date and I...

and a couple from the ride home...

and for the song i'll share one of my favorites from Kid Cudi's new album...

It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses

Experimenting.

Take me back to the beach.

I went home this weekend and for some reason it thoroughly sparked my interest, intrigue, and anticipations for the future. I'm not sure if Virginia Beach is where I'll end up but it got me in the mood to pursue real-life. At school all I can think about is graduating "on time", getting my work done, saving money, losing weight, justifying missing some socials, justifying going to others and trying to enjoy life for what it is the whole time. On campus I feel like I'm hiding behind my headphones. Weekends are a good release but not quite what they used to be filled with careless antics and endless spinning and laughter, this process on repeat for three days in a row. I think what I'm lacking right now is something to look forward to. Most of my friends are studying abroad next semester and some are graduating. Hearing them gossip and excite in the expanding horizons that await them and their ever-malleable minds, continues to increase my seemingly unsatisfiable hunger for life.

I've been doing a lot of observing recently. some would call it people watching. regardless, it's entertaining. you see some people completely engrossed in their conversations with friends in a careless, I've-got-no-worries-it's-friday, social-thriving extrovert way while others stare blankly at words floating meaninglessly in front of their sleepless faces. The same scenes, the people just change.

Not much going on in school besides the inevitable fade of motivation. I feel a bit at a stall in my life. On a search for meaning and purpose, I'm hoping something wonderful is headed my way. I need something, anything to happen. Some people believe that college isn't for everyone. I'm definitely in that group. It's not that I don't have fun or enjoy expanding my knowledge of the world around me, It's just the environment. I'm just not satisfied here and I can't wait to see what the world has in store for me on the other side.

for the visual...here are some shots from the 16 blocks fashion show this week featuring a lot of student designers (so talented!) as well as the "Only Girl In The World" Rihanna Video which I LOVE.

Yes, I am a pirate.

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

-Audrey Hepburn

And here I thought all the beauty, inspiration, and romantic spirit was left in New York...My college, excuse me, BEAUTIFUL college campus has subtly fed me appetizing and inspiring scenes of authentic fall beauty with sporadic notion. The view staring down as I part a path of leaves with my brown buckled boots, the sun falling slowly behind the horse barn and pastures by my house. Definitely a contrast to the cascading skyscrapers of New York or the sand-flavored winds that sprinkle glowing words like "Hilton" and "Wyndham" in Virginia Beach. Yet another world, and this has surprisingly left the thought-provoking hunger of my imagination satisfied.

School hasn't been too exciting, the second you think you're caught up, you realize how behind you actually are. I have been taking a lot of notice of the fact that I make noise when I walk. From my not-so-sterling stacked bracelets to the authoritative clicking of my boot's heel, I make noise. and the combination of this with my musically-induced strut through campus, I feel like I don't complete my days unnoticed, which I don't mind.

I spent one night of this past weekend going to my first sorority social this year, the second night in the fabulous Charlotte, NC and the third going out regularly. (Obviously in college, the weekend is comprised of three nights - thursday through saturday). Going to Charlotte brings me back to the real world. At the other end of my approximate 2.5 hour drive awaits civilization. College in a college town just doesn't seem like real-life when faced with the hustle of reality's stars in the business world and the economic players that enjoy evening strolls in uptown and quaint sunday brunches with friends and mimosas.

Home this coming weekend. I cannot wait. Whenever I have doubts about foregoing a weekend of lost thoughts and incomplete emotion that encompass a drunken college night, I can just picture the empty beach scene early morning and late evening and driving through the Atlantic Avenue streetlights while passing less than native palm trees and sand covered street corners.

and for the visual people...some photo fun i had with the life cycle of my flowers from the boyfriend :)